Practise like your Hair is on Fire
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A Meditation Retreat with Anam Thubten Rinpoche
A Post Card Essay By YK
Date: 18 to 23 January 2019
Location: Song Yan, Pahang, Malaysia
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ARRIVAL
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[Amidst busy preparations for the Lunar New Year barely a fortnight away, 36 of us chose to spend 6 days of our lives in a silent meditation retreat over all other activities. With gratitude to our teacher, Anam Thubten Rinpoche, who travelled all the way from California to guide us, and my fellow travellers on our chosen path, I share my experience of the retreat with you here.]
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It is a bright breezy afternoon when we arrive at Song-Yan. A perfect day with bees and butterfies flitting from flower to flower and birdsongs in the air. Our retreat venue sits in a valley with panoramic vistas of the surrounding hills of the ancient Titiwangsa Mountain Range of Malaysia.
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The Titiwangsa main range in the distance.
We gather at the main building with our bags like spiritual refugees. Viven hands out the keys to the chalets and informs us who our room mates shall be. The cosmic lottery has determined that Han, Toh, Vichak and I will share a chalet. The timber chalets are located along a pathway overlooking landscaped rock pools. The chalet is spartan but comfortable. This shall be home for my third retreat with Anam Thubten Rinpoche
I return to the main building which houses the restaurant downstairs and a spacious hall upstairs. Brian and a few of our Kuala Lumpur Dharmata House sangha members, Viven, Alex, Jade, Jamie, Shirley, Chee Seng, Karen, Surya and Logeswari are getting the hall ready for the evening.
Eunju and Jamie looking pleased with their chalet.
We lay meditation cushions on the floor in neat rows and prepare a chair for Anam Thubten at the front of the hall. We take turns to test the chair to ensure our teacher’s comfort. This requires single-minded concentration. After several changes and adjustments of the cushions on the armchair by Jade, the chair testers are satisfied perfect equilibrium between softness and firmness has been attained. Fragrant incense is lit. The hall is ready for the retreat.
Alex wanted a bell with a peal loud enough to reach the most distant parts of the resort. This spark of insight and wisdom obviates walking around the resort grounds ringing a little bell to announce each session. I have just the right bell, a gift from a seafaring friend.
This bell’s previous life was spent in a merchant ship sailing the turbulent waves of the Seven Seas, calling hungry sailors to chowtime at the ship’s mess. We hang this old ship bell strategically at the staircase leading up to the hall. In its present incarnation, it will now serve to call our ‘hungry’ retreat members to meditation and learning at the hall.
At 5.30 pm sharp, Chee Seng rings the bell three times, pulling tentatively at first followed by two sharp confident pulls. It is dinner time. Dinner is vegetarian served buffet-style.
Many of the participants have travelled from South Korea. Three are Thais, a Hawaiian and an Australian. The rest are Malaysians. There is a palpable sense of anticipation in the air. A bit like the first day at school. We chat and get acquainted. Subsequent meals will be eaten in silence when sitting meditation commences.
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RETREAT BEGINS
The bell peals at 7.45 pm. We troop up to the hall. Everybody chooses a cushion and place to sit. A few choose to sit on chairs at the side of the hall. This is fine too.
I sit at the back on a slightly forward inclined foot stool which I have brought with me. I prefer sitting half-lotus on this stool rather than on cushions as even long sittings on it do not cause my legs to go numb.
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At 8 pm, Anam Thubten enters the hall and sits down. He puts on the wireless headset microphone. He welcomes all of us and expresses his gratitude to be in Malaysia on his seventh retreat here. For Anam Thubten, coming to Malaysia is like coming home to the warm casual hospitality and friendship of the sangha family here and to partake in our fondness to celebrate our diverse cuisines and cultures together.
This retreat will be conducted in silence. Five sitting meditation sessions and one walking meditation session with two talks each day. A Q&A session will take place after dinner followed by a Tsok Offering and chanting of mantras and the Heart Sutra at the end of each day. Each session will be of a duration of 45 minutes with a 15 minute break in between. Breakfast and dinner breaks will be for 1 ½ hours with a longer 2-hour lunch break.
MEDITATION
SITTING
The next morning, we are seated in the hall before the first crack of dawn. The temperature is a chilly 22 degrees celcius in these hills. The air is fresh and pristine. Wisps of fragrant smoke rises and twirls across the hall from the clay incense bowls.
At 6.45am Anam Thubten starts the morning by taking us through a set of 8 step yogic deep breathing exercises and invites us to take a vow of Noble Silence for the rest of the retreat. We take the vow silently. This silence will only be broken during the chanting of mantras and dedications.
Anam Thubten guides us through the meditation. We begin with single pointed concentration on our breathing, focusing especially on the movement of air through our nostrils. Anam Thubten instructs us to sit upright with a straight spine and to gently release all tensions from our body. We can sit cross legged in a lotus or half lotus or any other position or on a chair as long as we have balance and stability.
Anam Thubten tells us to keep a slight smile throughout the meditation. I sit with a serene smile on my face. Pretty soon, I start to visualise the gentle mysterious smiles on many of the Buddha images I have seen in temples. Just as this thought arises, Anam Thubten reminds us to recognise the thoughts that appear but not to follow their stories through. I let go of my images of smiling Buddhas and stop following them through the labyrinth of temples of Thailand, Myanmar and Kampuchea in my mind. I return diligently to the tip of my nose and focus on my breaths.
Somewhere along the silent passage of our meditative consciousness, Anam Thubten coaxes us to take leave of our concentration on the breath and to open our awareness and senses to everything around us. I hear birds chirping in the trees, dogs barking in the farms nearby, the roar of superbikes on the highway across the valley and the high pitch sonic buzzes and trills of insects in the background. I feel the cooling sensation of a breeze on the nape of my neck and the fabric of the seat cushion against my feet. I begin to experience a sensation of dissolving slowly into the external phenomena internally.
In the clarity of this liberated state of tranquil consciousness, the sitting comes to an end with Anam Thubten chanting the Prajnaparamita mantra. We all join in chanting.
Om gate gate
Para gate
Parasam gate
Bodhi Syaha
We chant together to invoke our intention of transcending beyond the separate conceptual constructs of ourselves. We keep chanting with Anam Thubten until he strikes the singing bowl to end each sitting.
WALKING
Each evening, we go for a meditation walk. We walk slowly without destination on the grass lawn and footpaths. Some of us walk barefooted, feeling the ground below our feet on each step. We maintain awareness of the trees and flowers around us, opening all our senses to the environment around us without dwelling on anything in particular. We walk with no destination in mind nor attention to the passage of time.
TALKS BY ANAM THUBTEN
Anam Thubten Rinpoche
Each day from Day 2 to Day 5 of the retreat, we listen to talks given by Anam Thubten after the second sitting, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Each talk lasts for about 45 minutes to an hour. We are entranced by his gentle soft voice as he delivers his talks on living life and spiritual practice in accordance to the Buddha’s teachings.
He speaks entirely without a script or any reliance on written texts. He quotes extensively from the teachings of his Tibetan masters and from his personal experiences. He recites whole verses of Tibetan Buddhist texts from his memory, sometimes glancing at an electronic tablet for good measure. He frequently tells jokes and injects humour into his talks and laughs often with a contagious happiness shining from his eyes.
Occasionally, he pauses during his talks with his eyes closed in deep contemplation, sometimes for long minutes before continuing. Yet, one does not feel any impatience during these pauses which are like the space or gaps between thoughts. Anam Thubten never raises his voice nor uses a harsh word nor engages in any form of histrionics or drama to emphasize a point. It is a privilege to listen to his talks and to experience the pure compassion and kindness emanating from his presence.
Whilst Anam Thubten was trained in the ancient Nyingma tradition and comes from a long lineage of Tibetan masters, his teaching encompasses a wide spectrum of traditions and practices. The knowledge and wisdom he dispenses is unfettered and unconditional. His occasional references to the Tao and Zen in his talks reveal a deep understanding of other traditions. Anam Thubten has written and published several books including a book of poems. He runs a temple in San Francisco and teaches dharma and meditation in USA, Europe and Asia under the auspices of the Dharmata Foundation. Despite his huge popularity and eminence as a Buddhist teacher, he is the antithesis of the celebrity spiritual master, travelling without an entourage and shunning all trappings of celebrity and ostentation. He is genuinely humble and pays total attention to every word you say to him in any conversation. He is truly unique and authentic.
Here are a few nuggets of wisdom mined from his talks during the retreat.
“Practice like your hair is on fire”
Most of us think that there is no urgency in and does not consider spiritual practice and awakening a priority in our lives. Actually practice is of immediate urgency and the most important thing to do in this lifetime. Although pain is inevitable in life, suffering is optional. Practice will awaken you to such options and help you to make the choices to deal with and rise above suffering and to attain true liberation and happiness.
It is a tremendous privilege to be born as a human being. You pass through life only once in this body which is unique and different from all others as each tree is different from the rest. There is only one of you in the entire history of the universe and you will never come back as the same person again. Practice awakens you to this fact and raises your awareness.
Mindful Living
Meditate in the early morning daily to set your intention of awareness and mindful attention for the rest of the day. In all situations and circumstances that you encounter, practice mindful attention by asking yourself –
“What is the state of my mind now?”
The Vow of Attention
Vow to always pay attention to every moment, thought, emotion, action, word, sensation, everything that happens and to hold all things in total awareness. We took this Vow on Day 3 of the retreat with all present as witnesses.
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Sacredness
We can create a sense of sacredness in everything we do by reciting a mantra or performing a simple ritual before each action, such as before eating, bathing, exercise and sleeping. Sacredness enriches our inner life and gives purpose and meaning to every action, however mundane. It creates a motivation to serve others unconditionally.
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Relative & Ultimate Truth
Imagine an opaque globe punctured with hundreds of tiny holes with a single light bulb shining inside. Looked at from outside, you see hundreds of light beams radiating from the globe. What is the Truth? Are there hundreds of light or is there just one light source?
Anam Thubten at Sonomama House in Tanarimba
A FEW COMMENTS
Towards the end of the retreat, I spoke to a few of the participants who graciously agreed to be interviewed for the purpose of this article. Here are brief notes of these wonderful people whom I had the privilege and immense pleasure of sharing the retreat with.
Sunny Han
Han is a Korean business man who stopped counting his age since he
turned 50 and is surely practising like his hair is on fire. He follows Zen and Mingyur Rinpoche’s teachings besides Anam Thubten.
Although he has just attended Anam Thubten's retreat in South Korea the previous month, he is here to practise with the Malaysian sangha whom he loves and feels very much a part of. Han was at our retreat last year too. He is well loved for his great sense of humour and friendliness, always the first to offer help.
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In addition to improving their meditation practise at last year’s retreat, many Malaysians acquired a keen taste for the crispy dried savory seaweed he brought with him from Korea to share at meal times. I confess I am addicted.
He brought some for this year’s retreat too. Malaysians travel with chili sauce to add to their meals. I guess Han has become quite Malaysian in a Korean manner.
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Chris Cackney
Chris is an American living in Hawaii. He has faithfully followed Anam Thubten’s retreats since the beginning and this is his 20th retreat with him!
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Chris observed that over the years, Anam Thubten has built up his English vocabulary and fluency tremendously. Anam Thubten has also become more relaxed and humorous, telling jokes in his talks.
“This is his best retreat so far!” said Chris.
Many spiritual teachers teach methods with no transmission of wisdom taking place. With Anam Thubten, you experience a direct transmission of spiritual knowledge and wisdom through his teachings.
Chris is truly in touch with nature. He once lived with his family in a tent in a forest for 12 years without electricity.
Lee Seung Min
Min is Korean and operates a healing centre in Seoul. She first heard about Anam Thubten from a friend last year but missed the Korean retreat in December 2018.
In the past year she decided that she has had her fill of the pursuit of material success and wanted to focus on her internal life and spiritual wellbeing.
Motivated by her 2019 resolution to heal and love herself, she signed up for Anam Thubten’s meditation retreat immediately when her friend told her about it.
Whilst she had attended a retreat in India before, this is her first experience of a silent retreat. Initially, she felt a bit nervous about how she would cope with silence for 6 days and of coming to Malaysia, a country she has never been to and unfamiliar with.
Happily, Min is delighted that her initial doubts were totally unfounded. She feels so comfortable and relaxed and is loving and enjoying every moment of the retreat despite catching a bad cough and cold on Day 2. She is amazed by the birdsongs and golden light in the morning which becomes much more intense in the silent practice.
“Now I know how to meditate without needing a specific goal or object.” said Min.
Vichak
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Vichak is Thai. He graduated in religious studies from Naropa University in Colorado, USA and now runs a secular Buddhist centre in Bangkok. He teaches meditation in schools as well.
Vichak first heard about Anam Thubten at Naropa but did not have the opportunity to meet Anam Thubten until 2018. He joined last year’s retreat when told about it by a Malaysian friend. Anam Thubten made a big impact on him, so he decided to join this year’s retreat as well.
Vichak finds Anam Thubten’s style of teaching refreshingly different from his other teachers. He is struck by the humility and unconditionality of Anam Thubten’s teachings. Anam Thubten is so humble but yet so powerful as a teacher.
Vichak further observed that Anam Thubten looked very “saintly” at last year’s retreat but this year he looks more relaxed and carefree like a “tourist.” Vichak loves the energy, friendliness and warmth of the Dharmata sangha here.
Jong Wook
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Jong Wook is Korean and is attending his second retreat with Anam Thubten in Malaysia.
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He is here with his wife, Sang Ah and their 1 year old baby, Dawa. They take turns babysitting their son so the other can attend the sittings and talks in rotation. The little boy is a delight and many of the retreat sangha members are charmed by him.
Jong Wook is very diligent in his practise and can be seen meditating solo in the hall during the longer meal breaks. I was very interested to find out more about his practice but found that a challenge as I do not speak Korean and his English was limited. I am quite sure he will be back for next year’s retreat.
Brian Tee
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Brian is a founder of the Dharmata Practice in Malaysia. He was instrumental in introducing Anam Thubten to Malaysia and establishing Dharmata House in a once dilapidated bungalow on a hill in Kuala Lumpur. Dharmata House, which is the epitome of wabi sabi, served as the venue for the two previous annual retreats in Malaysia.
He leads the local sangha at our weekly meditation sessions at Dharmata House every Saturday afternoon. Occasionally, Brian cooks delicious ‘temple cuisine’ food for us when he misses his now defunct Samsara Café, which he started after quitting the corporate life in Singapore.
At Anam Thubten’s special request for the retreat, Brian recites the Heart Sutra in Mandarin to the beat of the Korean drum accompanied by the chants of the local sangha at the close of each day. This wonderful ritual wraps our day in a sacred Mandala.
PICTURE GALLERY
By this merit, may all attain perfect awakening
Rising above all forces of negativity
Going beyond the ocean of samsara
May we find liberation in the turbulent waves
Of birth, sickness, old age and death.
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All text, photos and sketches by YK Wong. All comments here are my personal observations and opinions.
14 February 2019, Tanarimba, Malaysia