I'm Right, You're Wrong!

There is an unconscious logic that emerges along with our egoic development. We can use it to validate our feelings and certain emotions. It often comes with an assertion of being right and entitled to hold onto whatever the problem seems to be. This logic can even give us a feeling of being empowered, but...

Sojong Reminder from Anam Thubten

Dear Dharma Friends,

There is an unconscious logic that emerges along with our egoic development. We can use it to validate our feelings and certain emotions. It often comes with an assertion of being right and entitled to hold onto whatever the problem seems to be. This logic can even give us a feeling of being empowered, but it only becomes the fuel that feeds and grows our misery. This logic often consists of blaming others for one’s problems and the story line goes something like this: “Because of what that person did, I did not get that” or “Because of them, I am in such pain right now,” etc., etc. It's very difficult not to be sucked into those blame games because they seem so valid and because everyone seems to be doing the same. Blaming others is almost a natural response. Inner healing and forgiveness, which are essential components of happiness, do not come easily as long as we are stuck in this game.

It’s hard to feel forgiveness or compassion for others as long as we blame them for all real or seeming tragedy. By blaming, we are also saying to ourselves that we are not willing to let go of our misery. We want to hold onto it and solidify it. This is not to say that the behavior of other people does not impact our life, but we have to look at things from a larger perspective - one that reaches beyond our personal preferences and wishes about how things should be. The foundation of our own life is the great mystery, which does not have a clear-cut answer for things that happen. We might ask, “Why am I sick, but not my friend?” or “Why is that person wealthy, but not me?” or “Why did this bad thing happen to me while I am being a good person?”. There will be no answer to these questions. We could say, “Oh, that is karma”, but that is also not a clear-cut answer. That’s pretty much the same as the notion that life unfolds on a foundation that is a great mystery. Karma means that even a small event takes place in our life as an effect of an immeasurable number of causes beyond our understanding.

At some point, we just have to give up and surrender to all situations, including a tragedy that seems to be devised by a specific person. By doing so, we will have the capacity to be compassionate and even to realize true freedom in unimaginable circumstances. The Buddhist masters, such as Patrul Rinpoche, taught a sacred logic: to have compassion for our enemies who take our possessions by thanking them for giving us the chance to develop tolerance and engender non-attachment. That sounds very counter-intuitive to our normal thinking, yet there are remarkable individuals like saints and Bodhisattvas who lived and practiced those perspectives. What they are teaching us is to learn how to embrace all circumstances with compassion, courage, and a non-egoic point of view.

During this Sojong, I invite everyone to contemplate and find a person or situation that you hold responsible for your dissatisfaction or pain. You might not find anything or you might find several. Try to use these teachings to let go of long-held beliefs that cause you to blame others. Hold the intention to embrace everything from a more enlightened point of view.

With palms joined, Anam Thubten